Query letters

[Brady Hunsaker]

Here’s a post for mine. Is this the format we should be following for posting it? This is a template I’m using. I’m still waiting to submit it until I feel comfortable with the information.

Dear X,

Here are a few sentences that introduce how I know you or what I know about your agency. I am submitting my YA fantasy novel, Scorned Prince (79,000 words). I believe it has the enemies-to-allies idea of Jade Fire Gold and the family complexity of We Hunt the Flame but on a setting of a tidally locked planet. It’s a standalone with sequel potential.

It was Prince Migo Rikaydian’s fault a shaman assassinated his father. His mother openly despises him for it. Now the only thing keeping his shame at bay is the vain hope that killing shamans can redeem him in his mother’s eyes. He’s too late. When he hears that his mother plans to have him killed in just a few days, he decides that capturing one last shaman can be his final debt to pay. He’s hot on the trail of a suspected murderous shaman when she suddenly comes to him, warning him of an incoming invasion. During a battle with a shaman tribe, a magical storm injures him and separates him from his army. The same shaman girl saves his life, and Migo begins to question who his true enemy is.

I graduated with a B.A. in English from Utah State University and have been actively studying courses through Apex Writers for several years.

Thank you for your time,

Brady Hunsaker

[Lazarus Black]

Reads well, but IMHO you should add a little more about the fantasy part of your world, if only because there is a risk it could be misconstrued as a historical fantasy featuring a Christian warrior hunting down “devil-worshipping” Native American assassins in the New World. “Shaman” and “Tribe” are keywords for aboriginal history.

[Lazarus Black]

[moved to a proper reply to the above post. still figuring out how this system works.]

[Lazarus Black]

Here’s my work-in-progress:

Dear [Agent Name]

[Here are a few sentences about how I know you or what I know about your agency.] I am submitting book one of four from my epic Urban Fantasy series, Bell of the True Dragon (150,000 words). I believe it applies the wit of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer to the insight of Stranger in a Strange Land in a world like Harry Dresden or Shang-Chi.

May Ling is a professional seductress, liar, and thief… a mistress of masks who knows better than anyone what lies beneath the surface of Atlanta, Georgia. In the multicultural metropolis, the heart of the south, smiles hide everything from pain and rage to supernatural power. Between the mystery of her missing mother, the strains of her delinquent family, and the loneliness of sex-work, May is the ultimate survivor. When her Truth unfurls into a world held together by lies, she is uniquely suited to do deal with it. It takes an ancient dragon, hiding in plain sight as a brutal crime lord, threatening her city with chaos and civil war, to give May her place and purpose. But she must convince the only people she knows—misfits and criminals—to believe in her. If she can’t, the Truth will do more than hurt…It could kill millions.

My name is Lazarus Chernik, writing as Lazarus Black. I am a First-Place winner of Writers of the Future, Volume 38 for my short story Psychic Poker. I was one of the first members of David Farland’s Apex Writers group and I am an alumnus of Superstars Writing Seminars. After a successful career in advertising, marketing, and commercial art, I am fully dedicated to succeeding as an author.

Thank you for your time.

Lazarus Black

[Brady Hunsaker]

Is it still cool to reference Buffy even though that’s fairly old? I suppose some things are still published in that “world” perhaps. I’m not sure. I actually like how you added that it’s “in a world like…”

[Lazarus Black]

Stranger in a Strange Land is 40 years older.

[Brady Hunsaker]

Oh ok. Comp titles are supposed to be within the last 5 years basically.

[Lazarus Black]

Well, that’s not going to possible for me. 🙁

[Brady Hunsaker]

Haha, that’s what I thought about mine too, but it’s possible. I would say just look through titles that have been published in the last five years that are you genre and skim through synopses. You’re just looking to compare certain aspects of those novels to yours–“this has political intrigue like…”

[AJ Benson]

Generally, yes, but if the story is well known enough to have stood the test of time, you can still use them.